Thank God for Heather Mills! Perhaps I should rephrase that - Yoko Ono thanks God for Heather Mills because since her arrival on the world stage, those who once said "Oh no" to Yoko are now saying "Oh yes, she's the best." It seems that the world at large has re-evaluated this Japanese beauty and finally recognised her as the talented and cutting edge artist she is and always has been. OK, so maybe that is pushing it but her status as the most vilified woman in popular culture has been taken over by Heather "Publicity Stump" Mills and many now regard Yoko as, well, human. No longer do people feel the need to wash out their mouths with drain cleaner after uttering her name. No longer do people feel the need to re-enact Lemmings upon hearing a single note of Walking on Thin Ice. The turn-around has been quite extraordinary. Yoko is now able to walk the streets without having to worry about people yelling abuse at her, her car hasn't been stolen in over a year and amazingly, this last Christmas, she even received three Christmas cards. While this may not seem like much, for Yoko, it was, as she hadn't received anything wishing her warm wishes since John Lennon first inserted his walrus into her strawberry fields. Those three cards are now part of a conceptual art piece entitled Seasons of Greetings, Heather is a Cunt (Part III). In honour of Yoko's ascension to purveyor of all things not Heather, I've compiled a small list of details about our beloved Yoko which I hope convey just a small sense of what Ms. Ono, the myth, the woman, the artist, is really about.
- Contrary to popular belief, Yoko did not break up the Beatles. However, she was responsible for the demise of Blue. Now you know why all those rumours of a comeback have never come to fruition
- Yoko believes everything is art - except anything Paul McCartney has done in the last 30 years. That includes Pegleg Mills.
- Yoko insisted upon referring to the remains of the World Trade Center as installation art.
- Yoko is the responsible for one of life's most puzzling questions: What came first - The egg or the Yoko?
- Yoko refers to John Lennon's son as an art project gone wrong. No wonder he had salt water in eyes.
- Yoko's first born Kyoko recently worked with Janet Jackson on her album Discipline. Yoko, it's me!
- Yoko influences include Russian avant-garde art of 1920s, Japanese conceptual poetry of the 1940s and the 2006 Lindsay Lohan comedy Just My Luck.
Happy Xmas Kyoko: I wonder what it is?
1 comment:
Thank god you are back. i thought you had evaporated or something :) I now feel very knowledgeable about Yoko Ono and will be quoting these when i am back at work (Adem passed his illness to me via MSN that dastard!)
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