Everyone’s favourite singing dinosaur has given us many great performances, often defying doctor’s orders to do so. She has overcome many obstacles in her long life to release four outstanding and diverse albums yet, she still remains somewhat of an enigma. To dispel some of the myths and shed a light on the secret life of our favourite cave girl, I, in conjunction with a leading palaeontologist, present this list of little known 'facts' about Allison Goldfrapp BC:
- Despite Singing about riding a white horse, Ms. Goldfrapp rarely rides horses because they hate her.
- Ms. Goldfrapp was unhappy with her portrayal in Jurassic Park.
- Is she were not a singer, Ms. Goldfrapp would like to have been a pirate, a hooker or a pirate hooker.
- Ms. Goldfrapp once slapped a fan who said they loved her in the movie Cocoon.
- Ms. Goldfrapp only eats regurgitated food. This is a service fellow Goldfrappian Will Gregory provides.
- Ms. Goldfrapp does not find the name Oldfrapp very funny. In fact, the last time she did laugh at something she became quite alarmed and had to lie down.
- If she did in fact have a Winnebago, Ms. Goldfrapp would drive around hitting ugly children.
- The most common thing overheard backstage at a Goldfrapp gig: Ms. Goldfrapp, have you taken your pills? (An obvious joke I know but give me credit for not mentioning anything about Depend Undergarments).
- Fuck she's old!
Alison in Jurassic Park: A fairly accurate and flattering portrayal I thought.
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