WARNING: LISTENING MAY CAUSE DIABETESWhere does one start when it comes to Lady Ciccone? She and her music have been a part of our lives forever and in a life lived openly, I bet you are asking yourself: what can you possibly tell me about her that I don’t already know? Well I’m here to tell you there is much to be told. We’re all familiar with Madonna’s cooch (she’s been flashing it for years) but just how important her cooch has been to her career has, until now, remained a highly guarded secret. But for anyone who has seen the cover of Lady M’s new album Hard Candy will know, the cooch is finally taking a more visible role in her career. In fact, I hear that Madonna may soon bow out of the music business altogether, leaving the door open for her cooch to take over full time. In honour of her cooch’s elevation into the spotlight, I present a selection of little know facts our favourite lady’s hole.
- Instead of her old nickname Madge, her cooch insists upon calling her Vadge.
- An abandoned collaboration between Madonna's cooch and Tina Turner was entitled Turner and Cooch.
- Madonna's cooch conducts enough electricity to power a fan heater for a week.
- Her cooch once slapped Jane Fonda during a performance of The Vagina Monologues.
- While Madonna is busy trying to save the world with Justin Timberlake, her cooch is busy raising a pod of blue whales.
- When her cooch contracted a yeast infection it decided to turn a negative into a positive and open a brewery.
- On Thursdays, Madonna conducts an exercise class. (This might explain the tension between her and Jane Fonda).
- Her cooch's Kabbalah name is Fester.
- This list was just an excuse to repeatedly use the word cooch.
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